Forgiveness is a choice the forgiver makes to let go of resentment held in the forgiver's mind of a perceived wrong or difference, either actual or imagined. As the choice of forgiveness is made in the mind of the forgiver, it can be made about any resentment, whether toward another, oneself, a group, a situation or even one's God. Forgiveness of another can be granted with or without the other asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness does not entail affirmatively condoning the wrong or difference that occasioned the resentment.

Some believe the choice of forgiveness is only properly exercised if forgiveness is requested or earned through means such as atonement, amends, restitution or sincere apology. Such forgiveness also often requires some sort of promise that the offending act or behavior will not be repeated. Forgiveness under these circumstances would remain conditioned upon the actions or words of the perceived wrongdoer.

Another view is that forgiveness is a gift the forgiver gives to oneself and/or the perceived wrongdoer to free their respective minds of resentment and guilt. Such forgiveness does not require repentance, contrition or any other form of "payment" from the forgiven. The act of forgiveness has merit in and of itself and can stand alone without condition and therefore outside control of the perceived wrongdoer’s behavior. As a gift to oneself forgiveness allows the person granting forgiveness the opportunity to overcome some hurt or emotional turmoil by offering closure and the ability to move on from the perceived situation or circumstance that merited an act of forgiveness. As a gift to the forgiven it provides a clearing for the forgiven to overcome the guilt, shame, stigma or other negative effects of their action or inaction that merited forgiveness. Forgiveness of this nature is sometimes referred to as

Forgiveness is often associated with religious or spiritual values. However, religious or spiritual motivation or beliefs is not necessary for forgiveness. Forgiveness can be motivated by love, philosophy, appreciation for the forgiveness of others, empathy, personal temperament or pragmatism. Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments. One study has shown that the positive benefit of forgiveness is similar whether it was based upon religious or secular counseling as opposed to a control group that received no forgiveness counseling.

Religious and spiritual views of forgiveness

Buddhism

Christianity

Forgiveness is recognized in Christianity as a spiritual gift. Spiritual forgiveness does not necessarily have any connection with material or financial forgiveness. One may spiritually forgive another, yet expect that the other should still make material or financial amends. God is believed to be the source of all forgiveness, which is made possible through the suffering and sacrifice of Jesus.

For more on Christian concepts of forgiveness, see:

• Matthew 6:14
• Atonement
• Atonement (Governmental view)
• Substitutionary atonement

Roman Catholicism

Protestant Churches

Methodism

John Wesley, founder of the Methodist movement, stated that forgiveness is an "..act of God the Father, hereby, for the sake of the propitiation made by the blood of his Son, he 'showeth forth his righteousness (or mercy)..". With the Protestant Reformers, Wesley argued that forgiveness is the ground of the Christian life .

Eastern Orthodoxy

Hinduism

Islam

God (Allah in Arabic) is the source of all forgiveness in Islam. Forgiveness in Islam is based on the divine grace and repentance.

God is the most forgiving in Islam and will forgive any sin except for that of ascribing partners to Him."Indeed! God does not forgive the sin of ascribing partners to Him, but He forgives anything else to whom He pleases, and whoever takes partners with God has gone astray into far error." Qur'an (4:116)

Human forgiveness is also important in Islam. The Qur'an describes the believers (Muslims) as “Those who avoid major sins and acts of indecencies and when they are angry they forgive.” Qur'an (42:37) and that "The reward of the evil is the evil thereof, but whosoever forgives and makes amends, his reward is upon Allah." Qur'an (42:40).

The Qur'an uses the Islamic prophet Muhammad as an example of someone who forgave anyone even his enemies. One saying that is attributed to Muhammad is when he says that one of his messages from God is "that I forgive those who do wrong to me."

Judaism

Mythology

In Roman mythology, Clementia was the goddess of forgiveness and mercy.

Psychological theories about forgiveness

In the last decades, forgiveness has also received attention from social psychologists. Although there is no consensual psychological definition of this concept in the research literature, many researchers assume that forgiveness is related to a pro-social change in interpersonal motivations towards another person who has committed an offense. Specifically, three changes in motivations are thought to occur when someone forgives an offender:

1. An increase in motivation to act in ways that benefit the offender or the relationship with the offender.
2. A decrease in motivation to take revenge on the offender.
3. A decrease in motivation to avoid the offender.

Forgiveness, deep trauma and, repeat deep trauma

When we carry deep psychological hurt and trauma with us after some crisis event we are negatively bonded with the situation in which the trauma occurred. For example: we may not be able to stop thinking about the circumstances of the event. We may feel hate for someone. We may feel deeply confused and unable to explain events. As a pragmatic ( non religious ) step repeated forgiveness by way of self suggestion releases the negative bond with the one or other people that caused the trauma and allows us to become positive again.

Every day quarrelling aside, sensible people do not invite avoidable, repeat, deep trauma caused by continued wilful neglect. Where deep trauma is likely to re-visit us many people suggest proactive forgiveness while remembering the sequence of events that will lead to traumatisation. This is otherwise known practically as forgiving but not forgetting. Often this practical approach leaves us less vulnerable in the face of repeated wilful neglect, while still able to keep our internal peace.

Many people resent having to police hyper vulnerable environments as such. Further internal conflict is caused because the 'policing' represents a degree of lack of forgiveness. This situation can only be avoided ( with more forgiving and ) forgetting events to the extent that an achievable level of comfort can be attained with one or other of the people that caused the trauma.

This leads to the common conclusion that only time heals. However the process of healing accelerates rapidly with positive proactive forgiveness.

The role of forgiveness in society

Forgiveness may be necessary for civilization, since without it, all wrongs would demand revenge, which may themselves be taken as wrongs requiring revenge, resulting in a spiralling escalation of retaliation, leading ultimately to utter destruction.

See also

• A Course In Miracles (ACIM) has forgiveness as its central theme.
• Apology
• Atonement (Governmental view)
• Contrition
• Mercy
• Pardon (a concept in law)
• Garden of forgiveness (under development in Beirut and at Ground Zero)
• Lawrence Jenco (example)

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